Letter to my English TeacherDear Mrs. ------,
We (that is, some of your students) are extremely sorry about disrupting your amazing teaching. We all know that you are a complete genius when it comes to teaching, and we love your class. We would like to apologize, hopefully sincerely (although in some cases there is room for doubt), for being so awful as to disrupt your class, which every right-thinking person must love, although not everyone is a right-thinking person. We, however, ARE right-thinking people. Therefore, we would like to extend our sincere apologies (just in case it wasn't already clear) for talking and interrupting you during the course of your teaching.
We suppose it would be a good idea to explain why we committed such a heinous offense before we continue our pathetic apologies. We sometimes succumb to odd thoughts that enter our tiny, insignificant brains, and for some reason we had an urge to talk to each other concerning subjects much less important than your incredibly important class.
A Formal ComplaintDear Sir or Madam,
Having dined at your restaurant on Saturday the first of May, I wish to lodge a formal complaint about the service at your restaurant. I simply wished for a light snack, but the young waiter who had been assigned to my table was far too saucy for my liking. In the future, I suggest you season these young upstarts a little more before introducing them into such a well-known and renowned restaurant as yours.
Having had my table moved somewhere else so that the dead body would not be in such close proximity, I was astonished to discover that my next attendant was also far too unseasoned. In the future, I would suggest introducing a bit of spice to these young waiters, for he was most unsatisfactory.
I then had my table moved again, getting a little annoyed with the incompetence of your employees to deal with the occasional dead body. However, the next waiter was much better than the other two had been, although perhaps a touch more vinaigrette would have been better. At
Random Original Story Part 5She bolted up the stairs and hammered wildly on the door to the "flat."
"Guys! Guys!" Alice called desperately. It opened almost immediately.
"Alice? I thought you were getting a drink!" Helena said in bewilderment. Alice noticed that the apartment was a lot emptier than it had been five minutes before, when she had gone out for a drink.
"Where'd everyone go?"
"Oh, they all left. Old Grandma Deveux let them go after Harper put a hole in the wall. She managed to convince the Clam to fix it, though," Livvie said, her head poking out of the kitchen. "What's up?" she added, hearing Alice's groan.
"I have to find them! They don't know and they'll run into him and then he'll--- and then they'll--- and--- oh, great, just great! How in hell am I suppo---"
"ALICE!" Livvie and Helena screamed in unison.
"And then--- huh?" she stopped mid-rant.
"What in God's name are you talking about?" Olivia said in bewilderment.
"The soldiers, goddammit! Those stupid bastards, the soldiers!"
"Wha?" Helena sai