literature

A Faustian Don Juan

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“You know, it’s quite unfortunate, really,” the nobleman said, carefully examining the face in the mirror before him. He looked rather young, perhaps in his late twenties. His fair hair tumbled down to his shoulders, partially obscuring his face. He was dressed rather ostentatiously, wearing a flamboyantly cut shirt and trousers. His whole outfit was dyed various shades of red.
His companion glanced at him briefly before returning to his book. “What is?”
“Well, the whole situation. It’s really too bad that someone like myself should be condemned to eternal damnation. It’s quite a loss for Heaven, if you think about it,” the youth said, now focusing on his hair. Was it graying at all? No, of course not, it couldn’t be. He was imagining things, that was all. He smiled winsomely at his reflection, to see if his teeth were in good condition. Of course they were. How could they not be?
“It was your decision,” said his companion, lazily turning a page. “If you regret it now, it’s too late.”
“Oh, I don’t fear Hell, or even the Devil. It just seems so unfortunate that Heaven should be deprived of anyone as enthralling as myself. I don’t suppose it would be politic to ask God to reconsider absolving me at this point. Do you think He might, given the extenuating circumstances?”
His friend looked up in alarm. His eyes, already red, began to burn with a dangerous fire, but when he spoke, his voice was quite calm. “It’s too late for absolution, Don. I thought that was implicitly understood at this point. You’re doomed.”
“Oh, don’t be so redundant, it’s terribly dull of you,” Don Juan said, still admiring himself in the mirror. He stared intensely at his eyebrow. Was the curve off a little? No, he was imagining things. “I wouldn’t change my mind even if I could; this deal is just too good to give up. Still, it does seem a shame that God should lose such a paragon of beauty as myself. My scintillating conversation will be sorely missed in Heaven, I’m sure.”
“Your conversation wouldn’t be half as scintillating if it weren’t for me. That was our deal, remember? In exchange for your soul, I enhanced your good looks and wit to make you virtually irresistible to women,” the demon said, his eyes still glued to his book.
Don Juan sighed. “The trouble with you is that you’re so prosaic. I’m well aware of our bargain. Don’t I enjoy its benefits every day?”
“More like every night,” the devil muttered.
“I beg your pardon! I would never do anything that would be deleterious to a lady’s reputation,” the nobleman protested virtuously, smoothing a microscopic wrinkle in his shirt.
“Oh, don’t be so sanctimonious. You can’t hide your sins from me. After all, I help you commit them.” The demon yawned, and then turned the full incisive force of his gaze on the young man. “Just out of curiosity, why were you even thinking about your soul at all?”
“Well, you know, I was just thinking how lucky the world is that I occupy it so attractively. It’s not everyday you meet someone as incredible as myself. And the eternal damnation is such a shame.”
“Shall I paraphrase myself again? You’re doomed, Don. You’ve been doomed ever since you signed that contract.” The devil was getting bored again, and so he returned to his book.
“You really are dull, my friend. Let me draw a little caricature of you. You sit there, ignoring everything in the world except that dull book of yours, and only emerging every now and then to make some dull comment. In short, I hope not all demons are like you, because if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s dullness.”
Just then, there was a clangor from the contiguous room. An angry male voice was exclaiming, “Where is Don Juan? Where is he? Tell me where he is!” Well, that was the basic meaning of it. The actual substance involved a lot more profanity.
The young nobleman sighed and tore his eyes away from the mirror. “Time to be leaving, I think. Well, come along, my friend. I do hate it when they have swords. So tiresome. So silly, too. They might damage my perfect self, waving those swords around. Well, let’s get going.”
The devil stood up and stretched. “Alternately, I could just take care of them for you. It’s been a while since my last meal, and I’m rather hungry.”
“Oh, don’t talk like that. It’s bad enough, the way you keep talking about buying souls. Your cupidity is quite embarrassing. Besides, it’s not polite to eat one’s guests. I just can’t stand bad manners.”
The demon smiled, and the light glinted off of his pointed teeth. “Oh, I daresay you’ll get used to them eventually. You’re going to be spending a lot of time with me in the future, after all.”
I thought I submitted this once before, but looking back through my gallery, I can't find it...
Anyway. This was actually a vocab assignment for my English class last year, but I just stumbled across it again and thought it was kinda fun, so I figured I'd throw it up here and see what you guys think.
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